I Am Just About Ready To Kill Apple
And I don't mean Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter.
I've been a loyal MacHead for about 15 years now. Macs are very easy to use. Except this one, this week. A month ago the monitor started going out of register. Meaning that everything would shift on the screen, be really blurry and freeze that way for about 10 seconds. Then it was all back to normal. Then I'd be playing Sims2 and watching fake people WooHoo in the HotTub and I'd get a message in about 15 languages that said "You Need To Restart Your Computer". Now, it occasionally has a snowy screen and a really fast-moving fan. (Ah. For the days of the fan-less Mac.)
I was going to type out the boring iterations of the approximately nineteen thousand service-sector employees I've been on hold with for the last two days. But it's bored me to live through and I see no reason to bore you with reading it.
Anyway, at the suggestion of Jennifer in Tech Support ("I'm not really supposed to help you but if I could help you I'd tell you to run the Apple Hardware Test that came with your computer"), I've discovered that I have an ****ERROR CODE****ERROR CODE*****. That's exactly how they word it. With the asterisks and everything.
So what is the error code? Glad you asked.
Yeah. Glad I ran that diagnostic. It tells me SO FRIGGING MUCH!!!! I suspect that to those who know the secret handshake it's akin to "Drink More Ovaltine."
Why on earth is the Jeff Goldblum-plugandplaythinkdifferent machine all of a sudden spouting arcana? Where is the love for us hapless average users? Obviously there is a problem. Macs don't go all WonkyFeint on a regular basis. Just tell me what the problem is.
Thank you. Glad I got that off my chest.
And, if you're thinking about going into the comments section and telling me to switch to a PC, don't bother. This is my first major Mac problem in 15 years. The PC I used to use at work puked bolts and code everytime I turned around.