Your Fat Butt Is Ruining The Environment
So says this new study.
"If a person reduces the weight in their car, either by removing excess baggage, carrying around less weight in their trunk, or yes, even losing weight, they will indeed see a drop in their fuel consumption."
First off, a big screaming Duh! to these guys. Second off, how much federal grant money did it take for them to cook up this nugget of common sense? Third off, how much do those dudes weigh?
Tell me this isn't yet another bit of propaganda in the anti-fat war. Just when I thought "they" couldn't come up with one more reason for me to hate myself, the skimforces cook up this little gem. Okay. We get it. Being fat isn't the best thing for a person. But honestly, do these long drawn out exercises in duh actually accomplish anything other than reemphasising an existing stigma? Not to mention the fact that the actual results of the study show that the increase in fuel consumption is negligible at best.
The lost mileage is pretty small for any single driver. Jacobson said the typical driver - someone who records less than 12,000 miles annually - would use roughly 18 fewer gallons of gas over the course of a year by losing 100 pounds.
This isn't worthy science. This is yet another excuse to scream "get 'em up against the wall" a la Pink Floyd. Who let all of this riff-raff into the world?
I guess we can forget the whole problem of cow farts destroying the ozone. I see a plan here. We all lose weight by eating less meat, so there is less need for farting cows to feed us. Wow! The entire planet has been saved. Of course those of us who are allergic to soy are up a creek I guess.
Then we run into the biodiesel conundrum. Wouldn't that be ironic? We solve the fossil fuel dilemma by discovering that used french fry grease is a viable alternative fuel source just in time to discover that the fat butts we earn through lifelong french fry consumption are complicit in rising fuel consumption.
Do we eat our way to cleaner energy or not? Life, you is a funny mistress.