Lately I get the feeling that God occasionally decides to turn everyone's life upside down like a snowglobe. It seems like 2007 is starting off with a blegh for a lot of folks I know. People are either out of a job, out of good health or out of a relationship.
I keep hoping that if this year is indeed roaring in like a lion that by the end it'll go out like a lamb. Wouldn't that be fantastic?
Funnily enough I was really at peace with all of the fractured goings-on of my own life until I went to church today. That seems backward, because it seems like church is the place where we're supposed to find solace for grieving spirits.
But when we stood singing Holy, Holy, Holy I was struck by this part:
Holy, holy, holy! though the darkness hide Thee,
Though the eye of sinful man Thy glory may not see;
Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,
Perfect in power, in love, and purity.
I realised that I'm so far from holy, and I feel as though I deserve nothing from a Holy God. Of course, later we sang Wonderful Grace Of Jesus, and even though we didn't do it the rollicking Mennonite way, it did drive home the point that the Wonderful Grace of Jesus reaches me (and is deeper than the mighty rolling sea, etc.) But I'm still stuck in this mire where it seems like my problems--and the problems of those around me--are too big for God to handle.
Yes, I'm mad at myself for allowing my faith to be compromised by mere circumstance. But there it is nonetheless.
I've been really hesitant to write any of this out on my blog because I really like to strive for positivity. But I'm tired in body and soul. I suppose maybe we should have sung Leaning On The Everlasting Arms too.