I'd Suck At Celebrity

I'm a worrier. I fret over the least little thing, like whether or not we have clean spoons for ice cream and will my detergent-to-fabric-softener ratio be so badly off that I have to make an emergency trip to Target before finishing the laundry. So watching this week's season finale of Kathy Griffin's reality show convinced me that I have no prayer of being a red-carpet celebrity.

I ended up bedooping (TiVo owners know what I mean...) through about 10 minutes of the program, because I was so stressed. Kathy, who was emceeing the Oscars for E! misplaced her credentials. It was like watching my own personal nightmare unfold on national television. I'm the person who freaks out every single time I check out at Food Lion because I'm afraid I don't have my MVP card. Forget the women rubbing paint on my pits, I would have that press credential tattooed to my torso like the guy on PrisonBreak.