Four Legs Good, Two Kids--Better
I've been in church for most of my life. There were a few years there in my twenties when I got burnt out on Orders of Worship and thought God was experienced just as easily by sleeping in on Sunday Mornings. (It is a day of rest...) Now that I'm old enough to be President, I'm back in church and growing more active in my involvement. Hey, with incentives like Porn Sunday, who can pass it up?
With churches in all 50 States it seems that there are a few unavoidable constants. Jello at carry-ins, the passing of offering plates and the unwritten hierarchy of social acceptance. I've talked to people in all denominations--Southern Baptist and Church of Christ, what else is there?--and had my suspicions confirmed. I present to you the following Chart of Church Member Celebrity Value. See where you score!
First Time Visitor +10
Visting Family of Current Member +1
Female Single Adult under 25 +2
Male Single Adult under 25 +5
Male Single Adult under 25 not trying to break into the music business +30
Female Single Adult over 25 +1
Male Single Adult over 25 not living with his parents or delivering pizza as sole source of income +20
Married couple, no children +5
Married couple with children +25
Once you have your base score, you can alter it with the following life events:
Get Pregnant the Ordinary Way +2
Get Pregnant Scientifically +5
Adopt a baby of your same racial mix +5
Adopt a baby of a different racial mix +5 for non-Chinese +20 for Chinese
Have Baby +30 (and increase your base score if you initially had no kids.)
Work In The Nursery +5
Work At Other Children's Events +1 per event (take +1 for each day of VBS worked).
Teach Children's Sunday School +2
Sing in the choir in any other city but Nashville +1
Sing in the choir in Nashville +3
Make something homemade for a carry-in +1
Bring a bucket of KFC to a carry-in +5
Bring something from the Kroger Deli to a carry-in -3
Bring your 5 kids and a 2-liter of Big K Cola (only) to a carry-in -6
Take a Short-term Missions trip +5
Katherine: Hovering around a 2 or 3. I keep bringing Kroger Potato Salad.