19 December, 2005

Meh on Kong

Aunt B. started it. She blogged about what Tim has been saying since Sunday. King Kong had a lukewarm reception. I'm not surprised. I posted this in the comments over at B's, but feel that I need to go on record. So I copied my comments here. Because I'm that kind of a lazy jerk today.

I really was iffy on the movie. Connie Lane saw it early at Harry Knowles' Butt Numb A Thon. She had me thinking that I wanted to see it after all. But I've lost the yen, I think. And here's why.

[insert recycled comment]
It's not the ape that gets me. In fact, I'm a big fan of monkeys, with 5 on my desk and a life size one in the spare bedroom--which sounds kinkier than it really is.

The story has flat out never appealed to me. Why?

1. I first saw the stupid version with Jessica Lange. It was a bad, horrible, nogood, awful piece of dung.

2. You KNOW that Kong dies in the end. I don't want to spend chunks of my time growing attached to someone I know is doomed. I already have dogs and a husband that will all die. That thought sickens me. Why pay someone to rub my nose in the fleetingness of loving animals?!?

3. When I was a little kid these friends of mine had a poster with Kong on top of the Empire State building swatting at the planes. That poster scared and confused me. To this day, the idea of the movie scares and confuses me.

4. If I hear that "Lo, the beast...." poetry thing one more time, I'll stab someone in the ear. I'm not beautiful. I'm nice enough looking, but I just know in my heart of hearts that the monkey would take one look at my average-looking but well padded ass and say "huh. appetizers." I'd be gone. I fail to feel sorry for a monkey who won't eat a woman just cause she looks good. The monkey is symbolic of all the a*((^^&^**(&^ in the world who don't date "nice" girls, but only want to objectify the pretty ones.

5. What the hell is the point of the monkey being in love with the woman? She can't have sex with him. He could maybe use her to pick his nose, but that's it.

6. Jack Black's character seems annoying in the previews. Jack Black is someone well suited for exactly one roll. That of Jack Black. Watching him play NotJackBlack holds no appeal for me.

I have loved Peter Jackson since his much underappreciated The Frighteners and I feel like I owe him attendence to this movie. But I just can't bring myself to go. I know I lose major geek points. But there it is.


At 2:08 PM, December 19, 2005, Blogger Casey said...

Oh crap, I didn't know there were geek points involved! I may have to change the name of my site (again).

I was thinking of going Sunday, but couldn't motivate myself to sit in a theater for 3+ hours, despite the mostly positive reviews. I played some WoW instead.

At 2:18 PM, December 19, 2005, Blogger Kat Coble said...

Hey, if we both lose points, then we're still even. Right?!? ;-p

I played CivIII. See. We're still geeks at heart.

On the subject of Rotten Tomatoes, though, doesn't it strike you that they are pretty arbitrary about whether a review is "fresh" or "rotten"? I've read a lot of lukewarm/bad reviews of various films that were marked as "fresh" because the film was/is popular--and vice versa. It frustrates me.

At 2:58 PM, December 19, 2005, Blogger Michael said...

But in the end, you also knew..

--The Titanic sinks
--The south loses the war (Gone with the Wind)
--Captain Kirk kicks all forms of alien ass and saves the universe.

Sometimes you just go and see the movie. Kind of liek Smallville..it's not the destination so much as the journey.

Well that and Naomi Watts is a hottie...

At 3:05 PM, December 19, 2005, Anonymous Hubby said...

Dearest, with all due respect to the disclaimer that you tendered via phone earlier this afternoon, your post still lumps me in with the dogs and other fleeting "loving animals". Should I be reading something into this?

When I die, do you plan on flushing me or burying me under the willow tree in the back yard? Either way, I plan on getting my revengy by being reincarnated as a giant ape and picking my nose with you.


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