09 December, 2005

Party Food Conspiracy

I have to make something called "heavy hors d' oeuvres" for our Christmas party this evening. Part of me really wants to dip pebbles in cream cheese, put them on Ritz crackers and scream "heavy enough for you?!"

I am resentful of being a Heavy Hors d'oeuvres person. The Sunday School department may as well prop me up and point "responsible older married couple". Allow me to explain.

Our Sunday School Department meets in a homeroom for a few minutes and then breaks into several classes. (In all fairness, everyone else calls homeroom "morning assembly". To me you can't call it an assembly unless an ex-astronaut comes in to tell everyone not to use drugs. Hasn't anyone been to middle school?!?) You can choose your class, which means that everyone else chooses the one that I'm not in. Can you blame them, really?!

My class seems to for the most part be filled with people who don't have kids. And have been married forever. And apparently we drew the short straw, because we are all responsible for these mystical, weighty concoctions. The other otherpeople('s mother) get to bring desserts. Desserts are easy. Desserts are a very Kroger-friendly category. You can zoom into the Bakery and grab any old thing. Not so easy are the "this is supposed to be our supper, so make it hearty" snacks that my group has to whip up.

I'm getting my sweet revenge. I'm making Ham Buns. If you've never taken the long hard slog of hours to put these things together, allow me to assure you that they are full of ham, butter, cheese and other artery-hating evilness. Tee HEE.

Of course, then i feel guilty, because what the heck is Lydia gonna eat? Maybe I'll stop at Kroger and get her a soy thing.


At 10:20 AM, December 09, 2005, Blogger jag said...

Sam's has your whores devours solutions. Freezer aisle.

At 10:32 AM, December 09, 2005, Blogger Kat Coble said...

I've toyed with the Sam's idea. But I used to work there, and HATE setting foot in the place. I have stack-em-high-let-em-fly flashbacks.

Given where I live (the remote wilds of Hermitage), it would actually take me longer to get to Sam's, fight the Christmas Crowds and get my frozen rockcakes back then it'll take to make these gooeygunk sandwiches. Sad for the church people, I know.

At 1:14 PM, December 09, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is Lydia going to eat? I think the better question is What is Lydia Going to BRING? They're in charge of dessert?!? That's like making Mohammed responsible for the luau. Not gonna be pretty. Between Weight Watchers and lactose intolerance, don't don't be surprised if they bring a bowl of carb-free wheat snax.



(and yes, I'm just kidding. I've had some of Lydia's dessert fixins and they really are good. They usually save up their WW points until the REAL food can be revealed. And there are some seriously yummy dishes that don't have Evil Cow anywhere.)

At 2:59 PM, December 09, 2005, Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

Ha, I was going to suggest Sam's too. They have these faboo pinwheel thingies that are divine.


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