23 January, 2006

I Wish I Were William Shatner

He can't sing, but he records albums. He's kinda butt-ugly, but he got all the beautiful women in space. He's the cockroach of actors...nothing kills this guy's career.

But, and most importantly, he sold his kidney stone on eBay for $25,000 dollars. (I heard this first through Big Orange Michael).

Saturday night at 10:00 I went to bed. Sunday morning at 3:30 I woke up with that 'my body is eating itself' feeling I've come to know so well. Tim heard the familiar cry of "I need HEEELLLLP" and rushed to my side with the drugs and sympathy. I paced, I cried, I begged the Lord for deliverance. He rubbed my calves, gave me Sprite and answered my unanswerable questions. Tim. Not the Lord. Although if the Lord were in my house in a corporeal state, I'm sure He would have done likewise.

I haven't passed it yet, but the worst of the renal colic has subsided. I'm left with sore innards, nausea and the grinding of another stone the size of this (o) through my guts. If I could sell the blessed thing on eBay that'd be one thing. I'd prize this experience as a journey toward a greater reward.

But. I'm. Not. Willam.....Shatner.

P.S. If I made NiT an incoherent mess yesterday I'm really sorry. I tried my best to follow through on that committment.


At 10:16 AM, January 23, 2006, Blogger Michael said...

Sorry to hear about that...you'll be in my prayers.

At 11:34 AM, January 23, 2006, Blogger dolphin said...

Yikes! Hope you pass it soon.

At 12:57 PM, January 23, 2006, Anonymous brittney said...

You did great this weekend. No mess!

At 4:27 PM, January 23, 2006, Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

I had a kidney stone once, right after I gave birth to Nate. It was worse than giving birth was, a lot worse.

Say, when you do pass it, I'd be glad to buy yours for a quarter!

(not really)

At 6:17 PM, January 23, 2006, Anonymous Sarcastro said...

So you want to be an overacting fat guy with a toupee?

Sure, whatever.

At 10:08 PM, January 23, 2006, Blogger TheKnithead said...

I'm right there with you on the William Shatner. That's another TV show, Boston Legal... good stuff.

I'm sorry you're going through a kidney stone, or rather it's going through you. You're in my prayers.

At 7:38 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger Michael said...

Hey now...say what you will about Shatner, but when he's on screen, you always know his acting style. You never go--gee is that Charleton Heston up there? Nope, Shatner is an original....

At 8:54 AM, January 24, 2006, Anonymous Muffy said...

ooh... ouch, i'm sorry to hear that sweetie, I hope it passes soon.

That pun was not intended. Sorry!

Thinking about and praying for you to feel better ASAP!!!


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