Skeevy Nasty Gross | What Is A Woman

If you know me at all you know that I have several neuroses, many of them small. I will never pick up a penny if it's tails-up and I'll never set anything on top of my Bible. I don't crack the spines on paperbacks and I can't go to the toilet if a person is staring at me from the cover of a magazine. But the absolute bottom line bedrock foundation of my World Of Rules is that You never eat in the bathroom. You never take food in the bathroom. You never take food NEAR the bathroom.

I know I've written about this before, but it is such a core part of me that it bears repeating. And it also explains why I was on the verge of weeping after I watched my TiVo'd episode of the latest Grey's Anatomy.

My brother called me last night. He giggled as he asked me if I watched it yet, so I knew something was up. As I watched it today I kept wondering what compelled him to call me. I was sure it was the storyline about the writer who ate his novel, and I was prepared to be irritated at what I presumed was a hint about my work. Then I wondered if he was hinting that perhaps I ought to have a sex reassignment surgery like the girl who drew the comic book. (Rant on that in a minute.) But no. As the last scene flashed on the screen and the three housemates shared a pizza in the loo I freaked out. Through the haze of Benedryl and Vicodin that had me half asleep I wailed "THEY'RE EATING IN THE BATHROOM".

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Now for the other piece of my mind. I'll try to make this brief. I have news for the world. You can be completely and utterly female and still:

a) not care about clothes
b) like to draw graphic novels
c) play chess
d) play Dungeons & Dragons
e) not be classically pretty

Thank you. That is all.