Extreme Home Makeover Snark

I love this show on two levels. Obviously it's wonderful to see people get their dreams fulfilled in a weird way. But honestly, I love it just as much because it is so snarkable.

Last night was no exception.

--How cruel was it for them to fly those two able-bodied dancers to the poor lame woman's studio? She may have been "dancing in her heart", but I'd bet coin of the realm she was also a little bit jealous.

--Easy money says she got chosen because of her connection to Paul. Oh well. Pays to know somebody, I guess. Still, I admire the guy for running follow-spot during ballet. Follow-spot is tricky enough during a stage play. It'd be a bitch to run it for dance, especially the ballet he did it for. (If I recall correctly and he did it for The Firebird.

--Again with the themed rooms. Come on already. They're cute, but man. That bacteria bedspread on the microscope bed was much gross. Also, don't ever watch someone do a themed room about bicycle repair with my husband. The bicycle enthusiast and repairman. You'll get such choice observations as "they only need metric tools" and "those aren't Park tools."
Of course, Park Tool isn't a sponsor of the show, and Sears (makers of Fine Craftsman Tools) is. But just so you know, readers of my blog, if you want to get in the bike biz, buy Park Tools. It will make Tim feel better.

--Could they have been any prouder of building on a flat surface? They must have mentioned that there were ABSOLUTELY NO STAIRS about 500 times.

--The Zen room was cool, but as a person who has periods of limited mobility I can definitely say that Tom Cruise Lite built the "meditaton bench" too low. Even for transferring from a wheelchair. Still, I want the rock waterfall.

--If you're gonna get advice from The Mayo Clinic about homes for people with MS, I suggest you do that before you start building the house. Cause even after Dr. McNerdly told us all about high counters, she still got low counters.

--Okay, this is like, what? The fiftieth time they've had Weather Drama that sets The Team behind? If it's a two-hour show, you can bet there will be Weather Drama. I think it's about time they invest in a big tent to cover the worksite. Check with either a circus or an exterminator.

--I'm getting old, because I'm really bothered by the constant refrain of how people "deserve" their nice home, themed rooms, big-ass TVs and whatnot. Everyone's a Beautiful Person who really Deserves this. Since when does being a cute kid with a big smile and a sick mom or parents with mold in their house or a strange mother who rescues horses mean that you "deserve" a bedroom made to look like a recording studio?

It also bothers me that they don't say "Move That Bus, Please", and that in all of the shows they have never once even come close to Moving That Bus right over Ty Pennington.