Faking Babies

Americans are generous people. That's a good thing.

Some Americans are vampires for other people's generosity. Like these two people who lied about giving birth to sextuplets.

Sarah Everson showed an Associated Press reporter the tiny nursery that was awaiting her new arrivals, complete with six baskets of gifts from her husband's employer. And she showed off an album titled "Mamma's Miracles, Daddy Brag Book," which included pictures of her in maternity clothes, her baring a huge pregnant-looking midsection, and even sonogram images she claimed were of her infants.

After reading through the story I have to say that I'm so relieved that the story was a lie, because the thought of these people's genetic material perpetuating is just scary. Not because they're crooks--we'll always have plenty of those--but because they appear to be as dumb as dirt.

People were going to want to see the babies. Duh. That's the payoff in any multiple-birth story. To see all the little newborns laid out like squirmy, weepy gourmet chocolates. Everyone is simultaneously drawn in by the utter sweetness and terrified at the thought of getting traces of it on themselves. If you can't see the babies, the story loses it's punch. If there are no babies, all the gasbag tales of secret cover-ups and killer in-laws in the world won't save you. People will figure it out.

I'm glad most of us have giving hearts. But in cases like this I wish we could donate brains.