Yes. Your Problem IS Very Serious.

Let me begin by saying that I only read Newsweek under duress, and in this case the doctor's waiting room qualifies. So while I'm trying to take my mind off some really grievious stuff I decided to flip through the only magazine available without a pregnant woman or fair-haired tyke on the cover.

That's how I found out about Emil's mother's horrible problem. Poor Emil! He has a congenital condition he cannot avoid or hope to change, and his aggreived mother suffers agony from it.

You see, Emil is a mixed-race (her description) child with fair skin. In the Philippines--his mother's country of origin--Emil's fair skin and caucasoid good looks make him a prime candidate for a highly lucrative modeling and acting career. His mother is torn. Should little Emil become the Moppet Of Manila or should she withhold her beautiful child as a protest against the racism inherent in the system?

In light of my personal problems I have to admit that the amount of sympathy I have to spare for such drama is trifling. As much as I want to be compassionate about the problems other people face, to even call this petty snivelling a "problem" is absurd.

To make matters even more dramatically worse, Emil's mother asserts that the driving force behind her desire to pimp out her child's good looks is

husband and I read that by the time our son goes to college in 16 years, his education will cost about $500,000. When we visited my parents last January, I asked my friends in the advertising industry if I could bring my son by their offices to take some test shots. I wondered if he could land a commercial for diapers, cereal or maybe ice cream.

Well, Mrs. Emil's Mom, since you asked...

Lady, your job as a parent involves more than the dispensing of ready cash. "College Money" is a rationalisation. You've got a Beautiful Child, and you want the ego strokes that come from people fawning over the elfin-featured toddler. You're so eager to enjoy the attention on a grander scale, and to be a celebrity in the country that once made you feel second-class for your dark skin and wide nose that you will risk emotional trauma to your little boy. Don't use college money as an excuse.