Warning: No-Delete Post Follows Topic: Adoption
It's late and I'm tired so I'm just posting whatever comes to my head and not hitting the delete button. So please forgive me if I say something that just makes your blood boil. Or don't forgive me. Either way.
First question is a biggie. When did orphans from foreign countries become the latest hip accessory? Tim and I, for reasons of our own, have decided not to adopt so I realise that I'm sitting in the cheap seats on this one. But honestly, these people (mostly celebrities but a few regular folks too) keep swooping down on China and Subsaharan African nations to pick up their
A few weeks ago we had an older woman friend tell us of a friend of hers who adopted a child from somewhere that had black babies. I can't remember the country. I just remember the fact that the baby was black because that's exactly how our friend told us the anecdote. "They just decided that they wanted a little black girl." Me: "Was that their favourite flavour?" See, that was my cynical response, but it seemed to fly over our friend's head. Look, I have no gripe with people who adopt. I know scores of people who adopt and scores of people who ARE adopted and it's all cool. But as far as I'm concerned you adopt a baby because you feel called to be a parent and you believe strongly that adoption is an avenue for you to do that. That's when adopting is cool. But when you start getting all up in picking out children the way you pick out cars or puppies you seem to me to have stopped wanting to be a parent and started wanting to be accessorised. The thing that's so bad about all of this is that these children in these various places really DO need homes. So I feel like Queen Bitchface for even saying one thing about it. Like I said, I'm in the cheap seats here. I'm not getting my passport ready to go pick up an AIDS baby.
People have been after me and Tim to adopt for over ten years now. Usually the minute someone finds out that we don't have children they ask us when and if we are going to adopt. Of course, no one would ever think to ask us other equally personal questions like how often we have sex, how much we weigh, if we like to be spanked or if we have ever considered anal sex. There are a dozen reasons we have not pursued adoption yet. That doesn't mean we have anything against the concept or are not thrilled for our friends who thoughtfully and prayerfully adopt after feeling the call to be parents. And that doesn't mean that if God changes His mind and asks us to adopt that we won't do it. But who we are right now and where we are with our lives means that we are not looking to adopt right now.
And I say all that to say that I think adoption is a hard and personal choice and when I see people like Madonna swooping in to scope out an orphanage as though she were looking at sofas it makes my skin crawl. And when I hear people say things like "I think Chinese babies are the keeyoootist things!!! I just want to adopt a little Chinese baby" it strikes me that we've reached a place as a society that is almost too twisted for words. Babies may be cute but they are not THINGS. They are people.
Repeat after me: Adoption is not about getting a baby. Adoption is about crafting a person. Over a lifetime. And it's not about you. It's about the child.
A special note needs to be added here to my mother and some other people with whom I've had serious conversations about adoption in the past couple of weeks. This stuff here is not at all directed at you guys or in any way inspired by our conversations. This post is inspired by Madonna, a woman I used to work with, an unnamed family member who doesn't read my blog and the graphic artist I know who turned down a Guatamalen girl because when they went to Guatamala to pick up the baby they had been working 8 months to adopt they saw that older children in that country had darker skin than they were willing to accept. These various people are the bad examples. You all are not in that category. And I know you all well enough that if you were I'd say something outright to you.
I know that I started by saying that I had a "first question" which implies a second question. But now that I'm at the end of my tirade I realise I don't have a second question worthy of mentioning. Unless "Does anyone know what Steven King Book they were reading on Lost?" counts.