Deep Thoughts

… I believe that if there are angels in heaven there will be animals. And all the animals will be able to talk. Like in Narnia.

… Why is one lens of my glasses always dirtier than the other? My eyes and face are usually in the same place at the same time. I don't get it.

… If Al Gore invented the Internet, why didn't he foresee the loopholes that allow spam? Personally, I would like him to answer that.

… Porn. I don't get it. It seems strange to want to watch strangers having sex. If I were behind these people at a traffic light, chances are they'd irritate the krep out of me. Yet watching them be naked and get goop all over each other is supposed to be the height of sophisticated entertainment. People are wired weirdly.

… Ralph Wiggum is usually the funniest thing about the Simpsons. Oh, and Smithers is gay.

… I also don't get Erma Bombeck. Except she's now dead so I don't have to worry about it as much as porn.

… I know that Hollywood is into remaking movies and TV shows, but if they remake The Great Escape there will be hell to pay. That movie is perfect as is. No need for me to see Brad Pitt in the McQueen role and George Clooney in the Garner role. Dear lord, did I just give some hack an idea? Back away from the computer, California boy. Go watch some porn.

… I love my kitchen, so I'm uploading a photo of it, since there is too much black white and purple on this page.

… Maureen Dowd's column is snotty.

… Who cares how fat Michael Moore is? Really. What does it matter? I hate his movies, but his fatness has nothing to do with his movies. Unless he makes a movie about it. Then I have no point at all.

… If you hit OPTION+Semicolon you get ellipses. That's three periods in a row. (Ouch. God help us.) I've been typing for 22 years. It's easier for your fingers to hit three periods in a row. Why did they bother to code that glyph?

… Dogs and cats lick their own butts. I hope they get a better deal in heaven, because when they can talk I don't want to hear about it.