02 October, 2005

Wherein I Continue To Prove To The Public That I'm Odd

Aunt B. gives us her five top idiosyncracies and says to play along. So I will. I was gonna do it over there in comments but I knew it would be far too long.

1. Food In Bathrooms
I cannot stand to eat or drink anything that has been near a bathroom, in a bathroom or came from the bathroom. The easiest way for you to score the last piece of cake in the house is to walk it past the bathroom door. I will be physically unable to even think about touching it without vomiting. That episode of Seinfeld where Kramer puts a garbage disposal in his shower to cook food? I've been known to cry when people start talking about it.

2. Antiques
Aunt B. has a fear of mirrors. I can go her one better. Any antiques of any kind give me the flat-out willies. I just imagine some poor dead person sitting in the chair and fall to pieces. I grew up in a city that had a lot of historical significance for American Indians and American Settlers. We were forever going on field trips to places that were chocabloc wth antiques. I could just picture dead babies in trundle beds and dead Indians eating their dinners in the Fort at the trestle tables. I thought I was the only person in the world with this problem until Dwight Yoakam's character copped to it in Sling Blade

3. People In Bathrooms
I can't go to the bathroom with people watching me. I have to always put something on top of the magazines with celebrities staring at you. Praise God for car companies who are willing to advertise on the backs of Entertainment Weekly and Bicycle Monthly. Tom Cruise may leer smolderingly, but it keeps things from progressing as they should.


I know that we're supposed to do five, and it's not that I can't think of two more. It's that I can't narrow it down. Perhaps another day I shall pick the winners. As it stands now, I'm ashamed enough of the three that I did post. But vain enough that I won't take them down. Ah, America!

9 Comments:

At 6:45 PM, October 02, 2005, Blogger John H said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:48 PM, October 02, 2005, Blogger John H said...

You and Billy Bob Thornton have something in common. According to Salon, 'with (Thornton's) there's his supreme fear of antiques. He can't eat or sleep around them and even has his assistant call ahead when he travels to make sure hotel rooms are antique-free. "I know it sounds like a joke," he says, "but it's very serious." Certain eras, he says, like "French or old English shit from castles," he "can't even think about."

I'm guessing you don't have much early American anywhere in the three stories, eh?

 
At 6:57 PM, October 02, 2005, Blogger Kat Coble said...

I knew it had to be someone's real phobia because you just don't think about it unless you deal with it in real life.

There is not a (non-book or art print) thing in my house anywhere that is older than 1965, and that's pushing it.

My mom wants me to take some things of my grandfather's. "Kathy, you're being silly"....

I just can't do it.

 
At 7:05 PM, October 02, 2005, Blogger Aunt B said...

I must say, I hadn't thought about the food in the bathroom thing, ever, but now? Yuck, that gives me the heebie jeebies.

 
At 7:29 PM, October 02, 2005, Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

The food/bathroom thing kills me too. I can't even stand to take my kids to the bathroom in the middle of the meal, and then come back and eat. The whole thing just grosses me out.

 
At 10:05 PM, October 02, 2005, Blogger Patrick said...

4. Lydia's clown! (nuff said!)

 
At 12:53 AM, October 03, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You would not have dealt well in the guy's dorm at Penland (for more than the obvious reason that you're not a guy).
For one thing, the toilet stalls had no doors, and the "walls" only extended from the back of the stall to not-quite-knee level when you were sitting down. The result? It was possible to hold an eye-to-eye conversation with your, er, seatmate.

So next time you complain girls have it rough because guys can go standing up, just remember that at least you have doors. And walls.

Jason

 
At 1:38 PM, October 03, 2005, Blogger Peggasus said...

At the risk of dating myself, I will just say that when I was young, I would not get dressed (or un) in front of the Bobby Sherman poster that hung on my bedroom closet door, so I can relate on that one.

But that antique thing is weird, because I think about it in exactly the opposite terms: how many and what sorts of interesting people have used these things before me. Some of the things in my house would totally creep you out, I'm guessing.

 
At 2:04 PM, October 03, 2005, Blogger melusina said...

How many people DO deal with bathroom things with their food? Well, aside from the time my 3 year old niece got under the table during dinner. Turns out she went potty. Ooops.

You wouldn't like the fact that my husband and I are sleeping in his grandparent's bed. The same bed his grandfather died in a year ago.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home