20 January, 2007

Trauma On A Saturday Afternoon

If you know me at all, either in person or via the blog, you are probably aware of my biggest neurosis. (Or what I consider to be my biggest neurosis. You might have a different ranking on your scorecard at home.) In case you had forgotton, I'm absolutely freakish about having any food in the bathroom. Or dishes in the bathroom.

Yes, it's my whacky brand of Kosher. Where food is at the beginning and where food is at the end should be kept miles apart in my book.

Which is why today's baby shower presented a bit of a throw-up-in-my-mouth moment.

I'm generally not a fan of showers, largely because they involve some of the stupidest games I've ever been subject to. These games usually involve the wearing of safety pins, the cutting of ribbon or the unwinding of vast amounts of toilet paper. No. Sorry. Not my idea of fun. Yet I do like the part of showers where you get to intermingle with the people who make up the various social circles of the honoree. There's usually a potpourri of women--some from work, some from church, some from their distant past. Everyone seems to have at least one Barnacle Friend who's known them since they were in Kindergarten together. Those people interest me. All my Barnacle Friends are stuck in Indiana and therefore relieved of any tedious Kat Shower Duty should I fall pregnant.

Oh yeah. Back to the grossness. I've been putting off writing about it because I don't think I can take it. But much like memories of life's most embarrassing moments I have to confront this to be rid of it.

Today we played the Shower Game From Hell. Here's how the game works: your hostess puts various candy bars into diapers and microwaves them. She then walks around with the ::::shudders while typing:::: mushy chocolate-filled diaper and you have to guess what type of candy bar it was before the nuking.

I swear to you I had tears running out of my eyes. At one point I actually said "Oh Dear GOD!" in what was most decidedly a plea to my Lord without any touch of blasphemy. I came thisclose to spraying spinach dip and green punch all over Barnacle Friend's carpet. I swear I'm traumatised.

And if I ever meet the inventor of this game, I will make them watch a three hour videotaped autopsy.

16 Comments:

At 12:14 AM, January 21, 2007, Anonymous Ivy said...

Oh, that is so fucking nasty. I think I've been to exactly one baby shower in my entire life and I am SO glad that game was not one they played.

 
At 1:13 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Kerry Woo said...

As a prank, that is not even funny. Games people play...

 
At 4:10 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Heather said...

I hate showers, I'm shy, so they are social torture for me, since there are always about thirty women I do know and the one I do is understandably busy. Games? Pure hell, all of them.

 
At 4:11 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Heather said...

Uh, that would be thirty women I do NOT know.

 
At 7:08 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Sonia said...

LOL! That game is pretty gross. At least you didn't have to eat it :)

 
At 7:40 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Malia said...

That has to be the tackiest game I've ever heard of!!! I hope I never encounter it at a shower.

 
At 7:45 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger John H said...

whothehell thinks of these games? This is where the supposedly devolved men of the species with their scratching, silences, often juvenile humor have it all over women when it comes to gatherings.

Now if you pegged passersby with the diapers...now THAT's funny.

 
At 9:25 AM, January 21, 2007, Blogger newscoma said...

Reason 364 that I've not been to a baby shower since my sister's.
I will send a gift, a lovely card and many apologies out of Southern decorum.
I cannot do it.

 
At 3:55 PM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Aunt Lydia said...

I knew when I saw the diapers going into the microwave that we were in trouble. I thought you were a good sport.

 
At 4:18 PM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Rachel said...

That is one of the most pointless things I can think of to do with my time.

 
At 5:36 PM, January 21, 2007, Blogger Amy said...

oh my word, who comes up with things like that?

 
At 9:54 PM, January 21, 2007, Blogger P. K. Nail said...

GAH! Whose idea was that, and why on earth would they think it was fun?!

 
At 10:12 PM, January 21, 2007, Anonymous tom said...

I've never been to a shower either. That game is one of the many reasons I think that Satan must exist: taking two good things and making them irrevocably evil by combining them.

 
At 6:25 AM, January 22, 2007, Blogger Kat Coble said...

I think the coordinator of the shower said she found the game on the internet.

Dudes, there's plenty of stuff going around on the internet that could be left ALONE.

 
At 1:12 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, my side hurts reading this one. LOL! The thought of it .... eeeuuwww.

-T

 
At 9:08 AM, January 23, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went to a baby shower Sunday - one of many, many I've attended - and they did that. It was the first time I'd ever seen that game as well. And like I said, I've been to a bunch of showers. But only the honoree did the tasting and she was a good sport. And then she hauled in about $3000 worth of goodies, so quid pro quo I say.

Connie

 

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