19 September, 2005

OOO Eee ooo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

My mother in law is asleep in our guest bedroom, with the lavender vanilla air freshener, the three-day old wildflowers and the only box of Kleenex in the house.

I am at my basement office desk with a throat so sore it makes me cry, blowing my nose into scraps of toilet paper. It's really nice toilet paper (Quilted!) but TP nonetheless. I hate to be sick, especially when there's company around. I want to be one of the Really Great Hostesses who makes omelettes every morning and serves them with homemade croissants and sliced berries. I have to prove to this lady that entrusting me with her only son was a fine idea, in spite of my "out of the ordinary" nature. Instead, I have insulted Oprah in front of our Pastor and run across the street from the church to the Rec Center in my Sunday clothes not once or twice, but three times. I laughed out loud in Sunday School. I couldn't help it. We first read the Bible verse that says any sacrifice we make for the work of the Lord will be repaid us tenfold in heaven. That went straight into the verse in Acts where Paul circumcises Timothy. Funniest. mental image. ever. My sister tells me that it is not good to "laugh about penises in Sunday School" and I know she's probably right. It's also doubly-good to not do so in front of someone you are trying to impress.

I now feel like all bets are off with the impress-ing thing, since my eyes are about swollen shut and I would undoubtedly be arrested in any roundup for Aqualung. She leaves Wednesday morning, and I've been surfing for home remedies that will pack a mightier wollop than benedryl and tea. No such luck, but I do have the Title song going through my head nonstop. This probably means I will be singing it in her presence, thus confirming her worst fears about any genetic contribution I would make to her grandchildren. I should probably just adopt, but that's a whole bunch more folks to impress.

8 Comments:

At 11:04 PM, September 19, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 11:06 PM, September 19, 2005, Blogger Kat Coble said...

Thanks.

I'll need them for when my second husband--the one with an Aqualung fetish--comes calling.

You guys are so thoughtful.

 
At 11:27 PM, September 19, 2005, Blogger John H said...

Today was generally lousy for me. Allergy hell, bad mood, getting a bill for a credit card I don't even own..you know the kind of day..

I forgot all of the crap of the day twice: 1) during Arrested Development season premiere 2) thinking about the juxtaposition of those two Bible verses in your Sunday school class.

Does mom-in-law read/know about your blog?

 
At 7:45 AM, September 20, 2005, Blogger Kat Coble said...

Does mom-in-law read/know about your blog?

Since one of the first things hubby said at the airport was "it's probably not a good idea to tell mom about your blog", I've rigidly adhered to that policy.

 
At 8:28 AM, September 20, 2005, Blogger Michael said...

Is it wrong that that entire post had me on the floor rolling around laughing?

 
At 11:12 PM, September 20, 2005, Anonymous tom said...

Mom doesn't like the Mean Husband bit, so I doubt the other Mrs. Coble would find it whimsical either.

I'm sorry you've got allergies. I just took some over the counter sleep medicine because I've been so stressed out with coming back from vacation that I haven't slept but maybe twelve hours in the past three days. Funny thing is, it's the same thing as Benadryl, to which I'm so tolerant to, it may actually have a reverse drowsiness effect.

I hate being out of herbal tea when I need to sleep.

 
At 11:44 AM, September 21, 2005, Anonymous Sarcastro said...

How long have you been married, Kitty? Close to fifteen years? It's a little too late to worry about impressing the Mother-In-Law. That ship has sailed. Either she approves, disapproves or will eventually get over it.

Your focus right now shouldn't be getting her Good Housekeeping stamp. It should be subtly letting her know, through both word and deed, that under no circumstances will she be moving in with you during her golden years. Every time you drive by an assisted living community, you should out of the blue exclaim, "OOOh, that looks like a nice place." Then return to the previous topic of conversation like nothing happened.

 
At 7:02 PM, October 13, 2005, Blogger doer said...

Hello, just visited your bible blog, I also have a bible related website, it's about some books which is helpful to understand the God's Words

 

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