I Am Not A Lesbian (And Other Disjointed Writings)

I seem to have misplaced my personal guide to Gay Celebrities, much to the disappointment of my mother. She considers me an authority (?!?) on the Gay Subculture. Which is wierd, seeing as how the much better authority on such topics is my younger brother. Or maybe not. He doesn't even like Barbra Streisand. He informed us that there are many things he should like as a gay man that he doesn't ("Boys?!?" I answered quizically....). Sadly, neither of us is in the position to confirm Elisabeth Rohm's sexuality for my mother. I even checked with AfterEllen, the premier website for lesbian popculture information. They don't seem to know, but they do seem very disgruntled about the way her character's lesbianism was employed as a cheap afterthought. I'm just disgruntled by how many seasons they let her suck up the "Law" part, leaving us with only a dull "& Order".

Why do I, a straight woman, read AfterEllen? I've been known to read all kinds of stuff, because I love reading the inner workings of anyone's mind--gay, straight, black, white, liberal, conservative. I like people. All kinds of people. They interest me greatly, from a distance. I'm shy enough in real life that too much time with strangers (anyone I've known less than 10 years) makes me scared. In retrospect I probably shouldn't have read all the indepth coverage of the German cannibal guy who made an arrangement with the other dude whose life goal was to be killed and eaten. Don't tell my mother I read that. She's very suspicious of just about everything I read. Is it any wonder? I've already confessed in two paragraphs to reading lesbian news, cannibal news and my brother's LiveJournal. What's next?

Actually, what's current is that I'm reading Memoirs Of A Geisha. I haven't read it before now, because my appetite for Asian Fiction goes in cycles, and is usually well-sated by Amy Tan's stuff. So far I'm liking it, even though I'm only half-way though. My favourite part? The name Golden gives the amanuensis is "Jakob Haarhuis". Now, my German is rusty, but not rusty enough to fail to notice that "Haarhuis" can be a vernacular translation of "Whorehouse." Dude, I love linguistic puns like that. The geisha tells her story to Mr. Whorehouse. Love it. I also love the knowledge that it took him 10 years to write the book and he completely discarded two previous 800-page versions before publishing this one. It makes me feel like the process I go through to write isn't as farfetched as I would think.

Let me leave you with this one thought:


America, I despise you for not waching Arrested Development and causing me to lose the best show on Television