Things That Don't Need To Happen
Occasionally a friend or family member will tell you their plans. Because you love them, you either smile and nod or vigorously attempt to persuade them away from what you just know will be a huge mistake. It could be anything from beginning the Adkins Diet to dating a Meth Chef.
But when famous people do the same misguided things, all you used to be able to do is roll your eyes or change the channel. Thanks to blogs, though, the common folk have an outlet for letting the ethereal folk know that their plans are stupid.
Today, I am availing myself of the opportunity.
George, Brad, and Matt, please read closely. You do not need to make Ocean's 13. As cute as the idea sounds (?) to someone, this is a huge mistake. Ocean's 12 was one of the single stupidest movies I've seen in the last five years. The entire time I was watching it I had that Designated Driver feeling you get when you're the only sober person in the room and everyone else thinks their childish nonsequiters are the funniest things in the world. I'm not eager to repeat the experience.
Fellow Christians, please read closely. Let's not have a repeat of the Merry Christmas debacle as we near Easter. Here's the hard truth, folks. Easter started as a pagan holiday celebrated by several different cultures. It honoured fertility and spring planting and all that good Wicker Man stuff. Then Jesus came and died and rose again and the Christians re-established the festival of fertility as their festival of new life in Christ. All the bunnies and eggs are leftovers from the Eostre/Ishtar/Ashtaroth fertility festivals. But since Easter is now the premier Christian Holy Day there are going to be people (like the guy in St. Paul) who want to distance all trappings of it from State buildings. One or two or five or six of these people do not constitute a War On Christians or a War On Easter. So let's just deal with it on a case-by-case basis and not get in high-heather about it. I should think that in light of what we've seen recently in Afghanistan and other places around the globe we'd surely realise that having a Pastel Bunny removed from a courthouse would not be the grevious wrong that some would have us believe.
Kenny Rogers, please read closely. You do not need to release a new album. Stick to the chicken. You haven't had a good song since "Islands In The Stream", and that was only made great by Dolly's participation. And speaking of the chicken, I used to love it. How come you don't have a franchise in Nashville anymore? The Salathai restaurant that it is in the old Roasters building is the worst Thai food in town.
Thank you. Class Dismissed.