28 March, 2006

Things That Don't Need To Happen

Occasionally a friend or family member will tell you their plans. Because you love them, you either smile and nod or vigorously attempt to persuade them away from what you just know will be a huge mistake. It could be anything from beginning the Adkins Diet to dating a Meth Chef.

But when famous people do the same misguided things, all you used to be able to do is roll your eyes or change the channel. Thanks to blogs, though, the common folk have an outlet for letting the ethereal folk know that their plans are stupid.

Today, I am availing myself of the opportunity.

George, Brad, and Matt, please read closely. You do not need to make Ocean's 13. As cute as the idea sounds (?) to someone, this is a huge mistake. Ocean's 12 was one of the single stupidest movies I've seen in the last five years. The entire time I was watching it I had that Designated Driver feeling you get when you're the only sober person in the room and everyone else thinks their childish nonsequiters are the funniest things in the world. I'm not eager to repeat the experience.

Fellow Christians, please read closely. Let's not have a repeat of the Merry Christmas debacle as we near Easter. Here's the hard truth, folks. Easter started as a pagan holiday celebrated by several different cultures. It honoured fertility and spring planting and all that good Wicker Man stuff. Then Jesus came and died and rose again and the Christians re-established the festival of fertility as their festival of new life in Christ. All the bunnies and eggs are leftovers from the Eostre/Ishtar/Ashtaroth fertility festivals. But since Easter is now the premier Christian Holy Day there are going to be people (like the guy in St. Paul) who want to distance all trappings of it from State buildings. One or two or five or six of these people do not constitute a War On Christians or a War On Easter. So let's just deal with it on a case-by-case basis and not get in high-heather about it. I should think that in light of what we've seen recently in Afghanistan and other places around the globe we'd surely realise that having a Pastel Bunny removed from a courthouse would not be the grevious wrong that some would have us believe.

Kenny Rogers, please read closely. You do not need to release a new album. Stick to the chicken. You haven't had a good song since "Islands In The Stream", and that was only made great by Dolly's participation. And speaking of the chicken, I used to love it. How come you don't have a franchise in Nashville anymore? The Salathai restaurant that it is in the old Roasters building is the worst Thai food in town.

Thank you. Class Dismissed.

11 Comments:

At 7:42 AM, March 28, 2006, Blogger Amy said...

am I the only one who liked Ocean's 12?

I'm with you on your second declaration, anyway.

 
At 7:43 AM, March 28, 2006, Blogger Amy said...

p.s. - I do have to agree with Justin Taylor (theologica.blogspot.com, I'm too lazy to put in the HTML here :) and laugh at the irony in a guy from ST. PAUL removing Easter bunnies from town hall because it might offend non-Christians!

 
At 10:35 AM, March 28, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's wrong with Adkins? I mean, besides the fact that I keep spelling it "Atkins"? We lost a combined 25 lbs in a month and have kept it off. It's not a long-term diet, but it helped us get over the hump when we got stalled, and it's educated us about eating some kinds of food in more moderate amounts.

Jason

 
At 10:35 AM, March 28, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, and I agree.. Ocean's 12 sucked. Doesn't in Hollywood realize that 13 is unlucky? :)

Jason

 
At 10:56 AM, March 28, 2006, Blogger Kat Coble said...

am I the only one who liked Ocean's 12?

Yes, Amy, you are. Sorry about that.

What's wrong with Adkins?

Well, if you're someone like me, with major kidney problems, Adkins can literally land you in the hospital. Any ketosis-inducing diet can do that.

But really the larger danger from Adkins comes from people who misunderstand the diet. I do know people who eat a pound of bacon for breakfast and consider that to be well within the realm of "okay" as they are on Adkins. Of course if you read the new diet closely you'll know that isn't the case. But it's reputation and misinterpretation precedes it.

I've got a brother who turns down a slice of bread (120 calories) and instead eats 3 Bratwurst (a gajillion calories) and claims it's all on "his diet."

 
At 11:07 AM, March 28, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! Yeah, that's the argument against Adkins, alright. It's funny to see the excesses that people go to. We spent the first week or so trying to figure it out (should have just read the book). Once we got it dialed in and managed to eat healthy, it was really good for us.

We both did feel... strange... until our bodies adjusted to the new food. Kinda greasy. Like I said, it's not something I'd want to do for more than a few weeks or a month. Sorry your kidneys don't agree with it.

Jason

 
At 12:23 PM, March 28, 2006, Blogger Dan the Baptist said...

I thought Kenny Rogers' song about the little boy playing baseball was a good song.

 
At 12:29 PM, March 28, 2006, Blogger Malia said...

Yeah, the Easter thing, it really wears on me. I know there was all that tension at Christmas with the "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" thing. Maybe it's just me but at Christmas there just seems to be this global goodwill feeling no matter how you wish someone "Season's Greetings". And at least at Christmas, and again just my perception, Christians don't seem to act like they have a monopoly on the holiday. But Easter seems to be a different story. It's like since we have a more accurate timeline of Jesus' death and resurrection (passover time) we suddenly have the right to take a pagan holiday with all it's trapping (eggs and bunnies...the irony is ceaseless) in conjunction with the cross and make it a "Christian" holiday.

Yes, Jesus' death and resurrection are important events in the Christian faith but I kind of like to stick with the way I raised and celebrate Christ continually in my life instead of putting SO much emphasis on him once (even twice) a year.

 
At 8:48 AM, March 29, 2006, Blogger Michael said...

Now wait...Kenny Rogers had a good song a few years ago with that Buy Me A Rose thing...oh wait..I've just invalidated my own point.

And I knew a minister once at UT who really hacked off a Baptist girl. She found out we were having a Halloween party and got on her high horse that Christians didn't do that. He looked at her and went--well, the way we celebrate Easter is also taken from a pagan ritual...man, that shut her up quickly.

I think one of the things we forget is that the church back in the day adopted some fo the secular traditions into the Christian calendar. In a way, they took over the holiday and made it their own. You have to love that.

 
At 4:55 PM, March 29, 2006, Anonymous ex-tvwriter said...

Totally with you on the Ocean's 13 thing. Completely unnecessary. Same with Kenny Rogers' new album. There's no need to inflict that kind of thing on an innocent public.

An addition for your list, if I may: Jessica Simpson adopting one or more children. Come on, haven't those poor kids suffered enough?

As for the "War on Easter"... as with the "War on Christmas" last December, I remain convinced that it's not so much that the anti-Christians or the ACLU or the Secular Progressives (or, as Bill O'Reilly calls them, the SP's) actually DO anything as much as it is that O'Reilly and Hannity and Steve Gill and those guys get people all worked up. I know, that's what talk-show hosts do - but when you take one little event and blow it up into an all-out war on a belief system, that's just irresponsible.

For the record - since, although I've been reading the local blogs for several months, you don't know me and I haven't started my own blog yet - I'm a Democrat, a liberal, and an "unchurched" Christian.

 
At 5:07 PM, March 29, 2006, Blogger Kat Coble said...

since, although I've been reading the local blogs for several months, you don't know me and I haven't started my own blog yet - I'm a Democrat, a liberal, and an "unchurched" Christian.

I've caught you out and about, welcome! Please start your own blog. It's fun.

And in case you hadn't guessed, I'm a pragmatic libertarian conservative (Hah, Bill Hobbs!!!!) and a "churched" Christian who hasn't actually been to church in a month because I've been sick. But I do listen to the sermons via podcast.

And yes, I would agree about the War on Fill In The Blank. It does seem that with the USSR out of business we have to make our own enemies in order to keep people tuning in.

It's like since we have a more accurate timeline of Jesus' death and resurrection (passover time) we suddenly have the right to take a pagan holiday with all it's trapping (eggs and bunnies...the irony is ceaseless) in conjunction with the cross and make it a "Christian" holiday.

The funny thing is I kind of look at it backwards. I think throughout history mankind has had an instinctive knowledge of the specialness of God's calendar. Before the revelation of Christ I think the instinct took whatever shape it could. And since then I believe that Christ has "made all things new" including the Holidays.

As a Christian who observes many traditional Jewish rituals and holidays, I find the symbolism of Passover and Easter to be extremely moving and fulfilling.

 

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