31 October, 2006

Liveblogging Halloween

5:15 pm: I hang cute ghost earrings from my ears, turn on the porch light and fling open the door. Let the fun commence.

5:20 pm: I live halfway up a hill, three quarters the way to the cul de sac. My house is the only one on the hill with the international "we have candy" symbols of open doors and burning porch lights. I almost feel like going to the mouth of the street with a sign that says Not Worth Your Time.

5:35 pm: I start calling my dog "Case-per the friendly ghost" in an effort to have some Halloween cheer.

5:40 pm: I decide that my dog may be the only trick or treater I see all year. I give him a miniature peanut butter cup from the treat basket. Hey. Don't judge. He's a really big dog, and there's hardly any chocolate on the thing.

5:41 pm: Dog begins vigil by the table holding the treat basket. I begin folding laundry. At least SOME good will come of this waiting.

5:45 pm: Laundry is folded. (I love dark loads. Few socks, lots of pairs of blue jeans.) Dog still holding PBC vigil in earnest.

5:46 pm: My street is as dark as Kleinheider's heart. Seriously, in about six weeks that guy's gonna strap antlers to his little dog's head and go after all our presents.

5:47 pm: This is the boringest live blog ever. Dog still holding vigil. And I ate one of the 100 grand bars. That's 90 calories I won't get back.

6:02 pm: I look like a tool reading immigration blogs while wearing a Winnie The Pooh T-shirt and ghost earrings. I think the dog is going to come downstairs and eat me if I don't give him another miniature peanut butter cup.

6:07 pm: THREE TRICK OR TREATERS! Healthy young lads dressed as skeletons. Or something. I didn't get a good look at them because the dogs took it as their solemn duty to guard me from the dangers of short people with plastic sacks. I gave each brave lad two candy bars as a reward for having climbed the Hill Of No Hope and being barked at by Two Angry Yet Useless dogs.

6:11 pm: I'm about to give up. Where are the flocks of human young that I remember from my childhood Halloweens? Don't people get how social this evening is? How much of a custom we're losing to fear? They say the terrorists did it, but I think part of it we've done to ourselves. We've scared our kids with urban legends about razor blades and brown acid hidden among innocuous gifts of candy. So now instead of the hail-fellow-well-met of Halloweens past we've got this Trunk Or Treat nonsense.

I think I'm a little too morose.

6:20 pm: Ahhhh. That's better. Fresh new meat. Apparently the entire neighbourhood's worth of children decided to T&T in a pack of jovial princesses, pirates, Titans fans and Harry Potters. I've given away half the candy and I have restored my faith in humanity.

6:30 pm: There's been a steady trickle of children, which does my heart glad. As well as my waistline. Being stuck in a house all week with Nestle Crunch Caramel bars would have been disastrous. In between innocent children I'm arguing with Kleinheider about I.Q. in the military. It's kind of like having my brother (the poopy monkeyhead) around.

6:49 pm: I'm ready to give up. I want my soup and toast. I'm tired of hearing the dogs bark. I'm so fickle.

7:03 pm: I think I'm done. No body has come by for 15 minutes. My soup is calling me. Seriously, the golden butternut squash soup is totally restuaurant-worthy. And it's perfect for Halloween.

7:05 pm: After yammering about the Grinch and terrorists and soup I realised that I totally forgot to write the long poignant piece about my dad's birthday. Part of it was forgetfulness--part of it was realising that I've got a bit of a cold and that really cramps my writing style. My dad's birthday is right now. Happy Birthday, Dad.

9:34 pm: Postscript.
My dad got 68% off his meal at the local Mexican restaurant. Three guesses why. I enjoyed my soup and toast. We had no more trick or treaters after 7:00, bringing our grand total to around 20 or so. 20. Is that even enough for a softball team? I think no small part of me is a bit p.o.'d. I'm an adult, and it's my turn to show off my house and be the nice neighbour with the good candy. Thanks for robbing me of that, you selfish Trunk Or Treating kids!!!!

Oh, and if I'm up all night it's because I'm worried about Joe Dubin's neighbour's dog.

13 Comments:

At 7:02 PM, October 31, 2006, Anonymous lisab said...

Just wanted to let you know that someone was sharing the pain. I've had about 25 so far, mostly in packs. Husband is out with 6 year old who knows where. I'm hungry and thinking if it is appropriate to close shop at 6:30. Probably not.

 
At 7:20 PM, October 31, 2006, Anonymous bekah said...

I turned on my porch light, put a light in my meticulously carved pumpkin and waited. And waited. And then I had four kids. And then I waited some more. And then I had two little kids whose mom instructed them to say "trick or treat" and then "thank you" (at least she's teaching them manners). And then I waited. And then I had a dad bring his little daughter (who is too young to eat candy) and he said trick or treat and thank you FOR her. And that's it. Seven kids. And the one shouldn't even count. I'm so disappointed. Where are all the buggers?

 
At 7:35 PM, October 31, 2006, Anonymous lisab said...

O.K., no one has been by for at least 20 minutes now. What's the deal? I have a porch light, pumpkins, glow bracelets & chocolate. Damn the "Fall Festivals". They are taking the fun out of Halloween.

 
At 7:41 PM, October 31, 2006, Blogger Amy said...

I totally should have liveblogged Halloween here. I never think of that. but it wouldn't have been as good as yours--which are always entertaining even if you are writing about something that seems boring to you.

I have had less trick-or-treat success than you...only six kids in the last two hours. and four of those kids weren't even wearing COSTUMES, for Pete's sake. I couldn't believe it. porch light is still on but four bags of candy are NOT going to be a good thing to have lying around this house...

 
At 8:35 PM, October 31, 2006, Blogger dolphin said...

I didn't participate this year (shame on me). Halloween is usually one of my favorite holidays but last year I had THREE Trick-or-Treaters (one of which was older than I generally feel good about giving candy to). I had a great Halloween party on the 21st for which I carved a pumpkin and feel like I've appropriately celebrated. I had purchased a 2nd pumpkin to carve for tongiht, but I was so busy yesterday that I didn't get around to it and since carving a pumpkin is about a 3 hour ordeal for me (and that's AFTER I spend a day creating a pattern from scratch in Illustrator) if I'd have started the process as soon as I got home from work, I'd have been about 8:15 or so finishing and that's after Trick-orTreating anways. I looked at all the other units in my building and only 1 had a porch light on so I just left mine off with a tiny bag of leftover candy at the door should any little trick-or-treater be brave enough to come knock anyways.

Maybe next year will be better...

 
At 9:25 PM, October 31, 2006, Blogger Rachel said...

We had <10, and many of them were not wearing costumes. By the time the 15 year-old (escorting a younger girl) showed up in the Playboy bunny outfit, I was glad she wasn't another boy in regular clothes wielding a trash bag. Next year I'm having two bowls - kids in costumes get good candy, kids who didn't even try get raisins. Dry, crusty, stuck-to-the-box raisins.

 
At 9:54 AM, November 01, 2006, Blogger Malia said...

Hey, we do Trunk or Treat AND then we do trick-or-treating ON Halloween because it's all about the candy and the dressing up around here!

We fared a bit better than you did in the t-or-t'ers traffic. We got some "late" traffic, that is after 8 o'clock (my kids were already in bed!) There was a big group of Kurdish kids out. Our neighbors are Kurdish and I've noticed that they are a late night kind of culture. We were out and about at 5:30 and done by 6:20!! But that's mainly because Boo-boo was tuckered out and my sister and I kept having to take turns carrying him. He's heavy! But both kids were happy with their loot so alls well that ends well.

 
At 10:24 AM, November 01, 2006, Anonymous Conservative Brother/Monkey Boy said...

I and My wife took our children out. We did not pass out candy, because our house is in the "country." (On a busy road with lots of land) Not good for passing out candy!

The problem is lack of houses that give out candy. I know we didn't, but our neighbors are 1/4 mile away. We went to a neighborhood and only every fifth or sixth house had the light lite.

My five year old, thought we should try some of the houses with the lights on inside, but no outside light lite. She indicated that it is rude not to participate.(her Aunt would be proud)

We have three children. We walk with all three (1, 3 and 5) We dressed the yongest in a Pooh outfit.(Did not take a bag for her)
The 3 and 1 were done after an hour. The 5 year old put in the full time. We walked problely 3 miles--Visited mayby 30 houses.

Problem with the "Holiday." Teenagers do not know when to quit; people are so self involved they forget how fun it was when you were 3--12 to go Trick-or-Treating; and the driving Trick-or-Treating lazy parents. Come on!!! You need to have the kids walk and earn the candy!!!

 
At 10:33 AM, November 01, 2006, Blogger newscoma said...

Butternut Squash soups sounds wonderful.
Can you tell I've not had a really good meal in about a week.
That just sounds wonderful.
Incidentally, we had about 40 ghoulies, but I couldn't make it to the door so RQ had to do it which just irritated the tar out of me, because I love Halloween.
Crap.

 
At 10:39 AM, November 01, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We had five .... two of which were at least 13 or 14 years old.

 
At 10:39 AM, November 01, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ugh. that was my comment.

~ Lacy

 
At 12:24 PM, November 01, 2006, Blogger Patrick said...

We had about 20 groups of trick or treaters, totaling about 50 kids.

Interesting statistics:
- 85% not from our neighborhood
- 12% teenagers, of which half were collecting canned goods for the Nashville Rescue Mission rather than candy (and really... they didn't even take any of the offered candy.) A marvelous idea for really-you're-too-old kids to transition out of Halloween. Kudos to Tusculum Cumberland Presbyterian Church - they were the ones who sent their junior high kids out (accompanied by an adult.)
- 12% kids who didn't comply with the request to "take one please"
- 8% unaccompanied tweenies
- 2% Superman back for candy three times
- 2% dressed-up skinny guy in his mid-40s with no accompanying kids... skeevy... glad Lydia was not at the door for that one.

 
At 12:24 PM, November 01, 2006, Blogger Patrick said...

Okay, 84 or 86% not from our neighborhood (he realized... after being so specific with the other statistics.)

 

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