Getting Something On My Chest

"Find out why more young, educated women are getting breast implants; the story at 10"

So I'm watching Grey's Anatomy, and I think the show's back on because they're showing people in turqoise scrubs holding medical instruments. I stop the rapid fast-forward of the TiVo just in time to hear this nugget.

I say nothing. I am speechless. It's my husband who says "Is it just me or did that make it sound like the only people who usually get breast implants are idiot bimbos?"

I'm glad he said that out loud because I was beginning to think that my feminist programming was stuck in overdrive. I haven't watched the story because, well, I didn't want to. I KNOW why more women are getting breast implants. Let me lay it on you.

Breasts are nice. I have two, and I like them very much. I had a love-hate relationship with them for many years, but around 18 years ago I decided that since the three of us were gonna be stuck with each other we may as well get along. We have our occasional disagreements--they make my shoulders hurt from time to time and I get even by stabbing them with a pokey underwire. It's all in good fun. Life is like a role-playing game, where everyone gets certain attributes to start off the journey. I like to think of my ample cleavage as the bit of balance for my ample other parts.

Nearly every small-breasted woman I have ever known has wanted larger ones. I'm sure that many of them made their peace with their itty bitties, just as I've come to terms with Everest & K2. Yet it's no secret that breasts are a universally-sought after part of the package. And if you happen to be a "young educated" woman, chances are you have enough money to get hooked up. I see no problems with that. In an ideal world we'd all be happy with what God & Genes gave us. But if God made you flat-chested and you've got the brains to get the cash, then by all means. Make yourself happy. No skin off my nose.

I'm sure that some study has come out that gave Channel 2 an excuse to have a breast story on the evening news. (Since that pedophile teacher is locked up they have to have something to talk about.) Maybe next week we'll have a Viagra story with a teaser like "Find out why so many educated men are taking drugs to improve their erections." Or not.