03 September, 2006

Attention People: You Suck.

I've been shut in the house away from society for too long. I no longer have my "dealing with *^***wits" callouses, and am not able to handle the various escapades of those other members of what we loosely call "society".

So here is yet another open letter to some people.

--Little girl, I know your mommy told you to go to the bathroom. And she seems preoccupied dealing with your newer baby brother. But when you are in a public restroom, you do not crawl under someone's closed stall door. And when that person says "excuse me, but I'm in here" the least you could do is say I'm sorry and crawl back out again. Not stand there staring at the half-naked lady on the toilet. Believe me, it was no treat for me. But at least I have the satisfaction of knowing you are scarred for life. Heck, maybe you'll become one of the children in America who doesn't fall pray to childhood obesity. Now that you have the memory of me burned into your grey matter.

--Mommy of said little girl, I realise that you've got a baby son and a lot of shopping to do. But when your daughter crawls into another person's bathroom stall and that other person asks her to leave the polite thing for you to do is NOT stare at that other person for "reprimanding your child."

Lady, I don't care who you are. Or that you have a Gucci double-stroller. Or that you have just had your nails done. When your child crawls into an occupied bathroom stall there is clearly a problem with your little girl's manners. Don't act like my shocked reaction was the problem here. Oh, and by the way when I was old enough to walk my mother made me walk. It might be a good lesson for your boundry-less princess.

--People at the chinese buffet, let's have an understanding. Sino-American food is either fried gobbets of meat or a mix of various meats and/or vegetables in a sauce. Yes, I know you are picky eaters. Here's how you handle that. Take a scoop of the food on your plate. When you sit back down at your table you can sort the bits you like from the bits you don't. But do not hold up the line so that you can scoop every last piece of shrimp out of the Seafood Medly, leaving only a tray of unwanted lesser shellfish. That's rude.

--People in churches and at restaurants, I'm glad you have made friends in this world. I'm also glad that you've stumbled across them in this public place. I'm thrilled that you want to get caught up on how smart your children are and how large the fish you caught and how fast the NASCAR drivers are. But there is a place for these conversations. It is called not in front of the doorway. See, there are a lot of us who don't know you and don't care about how many assists Buck got in the game. But we want to get to our pew or our car or the podium to put our names in. And you are blocking our way. And we're not able to slither on the ground to get past you. Unless we are the little girl at the mall.

7 Comments:

At 5:08 PM, September 03, 2006, Blogger Pink Kitty said...

Ahhh... Kat... I love ya. Thanks.

 
At 7:39 PM, September 03, 2006, Anonymous tom said...

Last night at a party, I made friends with a seven year old named Cami. It was a nice party, in spite of me being regailed by Cami's autobiography. What I don't get are these parents who just let their kids talk to random people at parties who they see maybe once a year. They didn't even know my name until the mother finally came out at 1030pm when all the other children had left and cami was helping me watch over the firebowl.

Cami is great, but I'm not a close friend or a relative, but really a friend of her mother's friends. I hope Cami doesn't get mixed up with the wrong crowd at some other party like last night.

 
At 8:59 AM, September 04, 2006, Blogger TVonthefritz said...

Because I such a troublesome tot, my mother took me in with her into public restroom stalls while she commenced with her bidness. It's a memory tattooed on my psyche: my mother hunched over the pot.

 
At 12:46 PM, September 05, 2006, Anonymous bekah said...

One time I was in a dressing room trying on some new shirts, and there I was, topless, braless, putting on a little tank top and I look down and there's a little girl who has been staring up at me for God only knows how long. I said, "Excuse me? I'm changing here." And she goes, "So?" And I said, "SO get back on YOUR SIDE" and she went back under to her side where she tells her mother (who didn't give a flip that her daughter was in my dressing room), "MOMMY, she hurt my feelings!" AND HER MOM SAYS, "Oh, honey, I know, that was VERY MEAN of her!" and I said through the door, "MEAN would have been kicking her in the head."

What's WRONG with people that they think their children can do and go and say whatever the hell they want and it's FINE?! So many parents today have this "My child is perfect" mentality that DRIVES! ME! CRAZY!

Oh. Phew. Thanks for letting me vent in your comments.

 
At 12:49 PM, September 05, 2006, Blogger Rachel said...

Oh, my. I don't know how you could have handled that any better.

 
At 2:07 PM, September 05, 2006, Anonymous sbk said...

eewwww...I can't get over the whole letting your child crawl around on the floor of a public bathroom. Gross.

 
At 2:25 PM, September 05, 2006, Blogger Sarcastro said...

Little did you know that it was Barbieux's estranged wife and child in the restroom.

Now you know....The Rest of the Story.

 

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