Dear Central Pike Church of Christ, Studio 201 and Assorted Others...

I know your intentions are good, and on one level I appreciate the efforts you're going through to promote your going concerns. I know postage is expensive.

But please, I implore you.

Do not stick any more crap in my front door. I have many good reasons for this request. Let me share them with you, so you know why your candy canes, Christmas cards, spa services brochures, real estate calendars and other "goodies" are not welcome.

~I know and like several real estate agents personally. They have either ponied up the money to mail me the calendars or given them to me in person. That shows a respect for my personal space that I admire.

~ I live in a no-soliciting neighbourhood. Your gestures of "holiday cheer" [hint: I'm not eating the candy canes, the Hershey's kisses and the cookies you gave me] are actually an affront to my privacy.

~ When your "gift" contains chocolate, it often draws cats and dogs. I'm sure you don't mean to poison the errant neighbourhood pets, but that's what happens.

~ During the holidays people often travel for days at a time. Nothing says "rob me!" like a pile of detritus stuck in the front door.

~ I'm often home alone, and nothing freaks me out more than a stranger walking up to my front door, peering in my front window to see if I'm home and then sticking an invite to their church in my door. This may be the new "fire-and-brimstone" approach--scaring me into finding the Lord--but I don't need it and it's not welcome.

Thank you.